Recently, I read a book that changed my life. Better said, it changed my overview on life.
Like so many others, I had been battling with anxiety, depressive, and sadly sometimes even suicidal, thoughts and feelings. I would tell myself that IF I was doing something else or living somewhere else my life "would be better"; that "I would be happy.”
I would constantly compare myself with other Photographers. I would find every excuse under the sun to find reasons why I was not successful enough, why I didn’t have enough booking clients and the reason why “I was going nowhere”. I even got upset when people actually did the things/ideas I wanted to do. After all, I was supposed to do them, wasn’t I?
And every day I would wake up and get ready to go to a job I didn’t want to do to pay my bills, and it was TORTURE. I cried myself to sleep and to tears I woke up again the next morning.
My photography was no longer just my passion, it had become my source of daily pain. All because I wasn’t where I wanted to be.
The amount of times I brought myself down, I have lost count. But the person writing this blog for you today, is not that person anymore.
Fortunately for me, I finally found peace within me. I found the key, and I can assure you the key is inside of you too.
After reading “New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle, I realised that all my problems were not real problems. It was my ego. Only my ego was getting hurt. It was my own thoughts controlling me. And my ego was affecting my spirit and my body. If I just stopped worrying about where I wanted to be; about a situation I could not control, I could actually be just fine.
And I did. I am fine.
Yes, it is perfectly natural for us to want our work and ourselves to be successful. I desperately wanted my photography to be somewhere higher than where it was, but I had neglected the steps. This was my path, and my path alone, and the only thing I had to do was walk it. To enjoy every step.
And at the end wasn’t I doing what I love the most? Wasn’t I creating images that touched so many?
I soon realised that things I wanted to do were feasible. They were in my hands. All I needed was my camera, a subject and some props. And the things I couldn’t do yet, well, they were goals. Not sources of anxiety.
My photography suddenly became my peace. What I did at that moment in time was the true important thing. For this was all I had. I was not focused on what I didn’t have or did not reach anymore. I was focused on what I was doing then. At what I am doing NOW.
I don't have 100K or even 10K likes on my Instagram or Facebook, so what? I don't have them now, but I am surely walking in that direction. And if I don't ever reach that number, well I might be sad, but it surely won't be the end of the world. What truly matters is that I am happy with what I am doing now, with every goal I achieve, with every person that I make smile. The only thing that truly matters is that YOU SAVOUR YOUR JOURNEY.
This doesn’t mean I do not have goals and dreams. Of course I have. I will always be a dreamer, but I make sure that my path towards them is now paved with happiness. The happiness I create for myself.
And for those wondering, I can honestly say that at the moment I am not living off of Photography. I have another job that pays most of my bills. But, and this is a big “but”, for the first time in my life I truly believe in my photography and in my success. Everything will be alright.
It will also be for you.
JUST ENJOY THE RIDE!
Next blog I will be sharing some beautiful portraits of a beautiful furry princess - Lilly, the dog - and her momma.
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